Every Voice in Every Nation

No doubt many of you who are still checking your Vanderbilt accounts still this summer received word about the death of Kylen C. Bares this last Wednesday. His life was taken in a car accident. Soon as I read this and informed my sister, two things popped into my mind. The first being the fact that it seems that every summer a Vanderbilt student has died, a musing my sister confirmed vocally. The second being, just who was this guy? I guess the latter was just curious. What I was more upset about was whether I should feel more grief for someone I didn’t know. Funny thing is, as my sister and I both turned to facebook to findout who he was. Without a doubt, his profile had to have had the most traffic on that one day than any other, and he would never know. A guy I talked to a couple of times, graduated with me, “whole life ahead of him,” you know that whole lot. “Sad” – we agree with a passive nodding of the head and silence.
A group has already been put up to his memory that I subsequently joined. I felt it was the least I could do. Was I appeasing a spirit that was either in Heaven or Hell or just my own conscious? I felt like scratching my heart with these actions to see if it will respond, even to the point of lingering around this blog to see if someone else will right about it first.
Before this gets less cohesive and more stream of conscious, I just wanted to relate my state of doubt. Many people have one as they waver at times, my logic goes like this: “If Christianity is a fraud, God is not real, and I am just living oddly in comparison to others, then by golly I need to get at it. I need to manipulate, coerce, compete and not concede. But that doesn’t make anyone happy. I’m glad that being a Christian makes me a “good person” but that is not ultimately satisfying either. If being a good person smacks of being taken advantage of, and being a bad one means living selfishly and nigh insatiably, then where can I find peace in a reality of contradictions?”

It is this kinda thinking that gets me slightly annoyed at atheists and convinced that they are indeed a religion. You may have heard of this movie, being billed as the Fahrenheit 911 for atheists to rally around – the ultimate conspiracy of all time is apparently the divinity of Christ. I wonder: if I was convinced that God does not exist and there is no life after death, why would I bother trying to convince anyone of the same? I know that their reply would amount to something like: “people of faith are reducing our quality of life through either their policies on abortion, stem cell research or even the religious fanaticism that leads to suicide bombings and such inspired violence.”
There are many response to this that don’t need to be said right now but the main thing is, I could almost selfishly pout – “why do you want to take away the one thing that gives me any peace in this world?” As child-like as that sounds, Christians are supposed to have peace, to have “life more abundantly” as the testament proclaims. It is not a “crutch in the face of a fear of death” but a gateway to access life. In the Psalm reading for today (Psalm 107:33-43) I came across a curious verse at least in the way it is worded (New King James). The Psalm basically extols the blessings of the Lord, all the good things that He does for His beloved. Near the end it says:
“Yet helpeth he the poor out of misery * and maketh him households like a flock of sheep. The righteous will consider this, and rejoice * and the mouth of all wickedness shall be stopped. Whoso is wise will ponder these things * and they shall understand the loving-kindness of the Lord.”
In pondering these things you may arrive at the conclusion that if God helps us, that help is motivated by love. Those who are “righteous” and “wise” will think about this and rejoice, and the wicked and by detraction, foolish, will have nothing to say.
In our lives are we happy? Are we thoughtful? Are we rejoicing? Or do we see fortune and providence all around us and do we sit in silence and fuming only to end our days with a groan?
Sorry, I really have no idea where I am going with this. I am not trying to say that if this whole Christianity thing doesn’t work out, at least you’re a happier and more pious clam than ye local atheist. That appeases nothing, that solves nothing, that helps nothing and it does not touch your heart.
I cannot speak on behalf of Kylen, I hope that his heart was touched by God’s love. When Job was sitting in the dust and misery, harassed by his friends and wife, he said something very memorable that I will paraphrase: “I know that my Redeemer lives, and one of these days, I shall see Him.”
Someone who did not believe there was anyone to see, could have just said, politely of course, “where is your God now?” But Job’s unshakable faith comes from the fact that his heart was touched, he pondered on and rejoiced on the blessings of the Lord. He was wise and understood the Lord’s loving-kindness.
That is why he could withstand all the human impulses to “curse God and die” like his recommended. Or all the theological arguments that he was a terrible sinner that his friends thought he was. At one point they even accuse Job of murder, whatever heinous crime they could put on him to explain his current affliction.
I never felt I could relate to Job. How faithful in the face of all this, I could never be like him! Even to the point where your only request to God is no longer “why me?” but “can I at least be able to swallow my throat is so swollen?”
Oh misery and affliction of this material body, how we are slaves to physical reality and strangers to the spiritual. How could Job prevail unless he thought long and hard about these blessings, really understood the Lord, and came to a place where his faith was unshakable? God would not have afflicted him so if He knew Job would fail…
So I guess in conclusion – this really was a stream of conscious. But I’ve just been thinking so much. I want to meditate more on God’s blessings and His Love. At the same time, I realize that my apologia, or the defense of my faith, in the face of an atheist is not all about having an airtight logical argument. It is about knowing the truth in the face of this world. Something that penetrates you inside so you can live it out. And lastly, although I feel desensitized to death, it should not be a cause for complete sorry. This world moves on in a funny way of acknowledgment, regret, and memory. We move on towards a reunion we hope everyone can join. Rest in Peace Kylen

A Collect for Saturdays
"Almighty God, who after the creation of the world didst rest from all thy works and sanctify a day of rest for all thy creatures: Grant that we, putting away all earthly anxieties, may be duly prepared for the service of thy sanctuary, and that our rest here upon earth may be a preparation for the eternal rest promised to thy people in heaven; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen." - The Book of Commpn Prayer