I have been reading through the first book of Corinthians. The other night as I was reading a verse caught me slightly off guard that I had to read it several times over to grasp what Paul was saying.
But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by a human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. -4:3
Why did this catch me off guard? I was trying to figure out the context in which Paul said" I do not even judge myself. " Did he mean I, myself, do not judge? Or was it I don't judge me? In any case it brought me to this startling revelation: I am my own worst critic.
How many times have I sought forgiveness only to be haunted by the guilt of my sin? How many times have I let myself talk myself into horrible places: I'm a horrible Christian. I don't deserve to be called a Christian. I'm not smart. I'm not pretty. I'm not cool enough or nice enough to be around these people. I deserve this horrible thing. I don't belong. I'll never get into that school. I'm never going to amount to anything. When God forgives. He forgives. End of story. It is the human way to hold onto something, even when called to let go. God forgets but we don't. We don't always take God's grace for what it is-- undeserved mercy.
In an effort to really figure out what Paul was saying I turned to another translation (unfortunately I lack the motivation to translate the text from its original Greek). In the NIV, Paul continues in verse 4 to say "My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me." BAM! There it is. No, we may not be innocent of our past charges but that doesn't mean we are to dwell on them. The Lord will be the ultimate judge of past transgressions... that is if he chooses to remember them. People speak of the consequences of sin, perhaps remembering them is the worst consequence of all.
It is important to realize where all the negative self-talk is coming from. It's not of God, that's for sure. He gives His grace freely. We just have a little trouble accepting it. In verse 5 Paul says that God will reveal the motives of men's hearts (probably to themselves as well). At that time each will receive his praise from God. It's like someone said in last Wednesday night's service. Think of the worst possible sin you've committed. Ask another Christian they've probably done it too.
Ease up on yourself. Yes, we've all committed sins. However, repent and go on. Don't stick around to see how far down you can dig yourself into a hole. If Paul dwelt on all of his past sin and didn't move on from it we would be missing most of the New Testament. I don't know why God chose to reveal to me this verse at this time except to encourage me to move on from the negativity I find myself in during each break. I hope that it encourages you all as well.
Grace and Peace.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I love the fact that I can tell you and Obinna apart by how you write! I knew this was a post from you after about 15 sec of reading it. As I stated in my previous post, this is something I forget at times too, especially if I am not surrounded by church family like in Nashville. I will remember not to "stay where I am and see how deep I can dig." Thanks Bri!!
Sigh, I really hate it when I respond to these things and blogger soenst save my comment. However, it does make me employ brevity....
Brianne this was a great post because it really made me be able to relate to you and see how human we all are. I mean, all the examples you gave of doubts that you have make me want to shake you and say "Now wait a minute here young lady, you're being preposterous!"
And the Lord is just looking at us in full knowledge that we are free from not only these doubts but our past. Yet at the same time I relate so easily with each and every fear and worry you listed (well not so much the being pretty part). I jus realized how funny it was that I was impatient with my brother being caught up in his sins when I was just as caught up and hampered by mine.
TGhank you for providing this howitzer blast of wisdom and revelation to me, everything that proceeds from your mouth, er keyborad, is most needed.
Oh yeah, I had no idea you would try to blog today. I completley forgot we had a semi-regulated system, but I guess things will fall back into order within the next few days. God bless ya!
I think the order doesn't matter. You know? I think that whenever we have something we want to post we should allow it to be posted and we all recognize this and not be offended if someone posts on the same day as we do. Both of your posts were good for me today and I would like to think that this could be an everyday thing: someone get encouraged or challenged by more than one person in the same day. Just an idea...
I don't think anyone was offended. I was just saying that I didn't read Ob's post before posting mine. I just thought it was cool how closely they related. I agree I think it should remain open to anyone that wants to post whenever.
I don't think we're in the business of trying to outwrite each other. ;-)
Post a Comment